Entry Deterrence: Might It Be High for the Not-Meant-To-Be’s Part 3 of 3

Continuing...

Example 2: This one is for the guys. On some dating sites, the males have to pay to join, but it’s free for females (those are also the same sites that take no time to set up an account, but get tons of players). For the guys who are looking for a long-term relationship, they should go for the sites where both genders have to pay. If a girl chooses to pay when she didn’t have to, then it’s more likely she’s looking for someone serious. The willingness to pay the cost of entry deterrence sends a strong signal to the market.

A friend of mine went on a date with a woman who asked him for money to fix her car after just two dates. Upon close examination, he noticed that her profile was very hastily put together and her requirements were generalized to the bare bone (“I’m into men aged nineteen to ninety five, from underweight to overweight...”). She probably had a whole bunch of profiles opened up, ready to snare unsuspecting men. So beware!

Example 3: As money and time-saving a Las Vegas drive-thru wedding is, there are real solid reasons why planning for a traditional one could be beneficial. Wedding preparation is an extremely stressful process, and it serves as the perfect entry deterrence for those who really shouldn’t get married to each other at all.

Putting a wedding together requires a lot of team effort (“You stop me from strangling the cake decorator, and I’ll prevent you from hitting the limo driver over the head with a frying pan”) and compromises (“Fine, no exotic flowers for desserts, but no Imperial March for the grand entrance either”). It’s also a time when the cracks on a person’s facade really show (“I had no idea she could go this crazy when she doesn’t get her way 100%/ OMG he’s such an attention whore that he requires his own make-up assistants to follow him around!”)

I even heard of a case about a couple who disagreed over the pre-nup so much that they decided not to get married (“I had no idea that cheating was acceptable in his mind and he didn’t want it to be used as a breach of contract”). These kinds of discoveries are exactly the type that people should make before the wedding. The ensuing fights help weed out the ill-matched couples who are doomed before they even started. So let them fight away! Better now than after the “I do”s!

Entry Deterrence: Might It Be High for the Not-Meant-To-Be’s Part 2 of 3

In my last post I talked about examples of when it might be just as well that the couples didn’t end up together. Those freak accidents served as very good tests to determine the couples’ chances of survival in a long-term relationship. In another word, everything worked out exactly as it was meant to. Or not meant to.

In economics, these obstacles are called Entry Deterrence. Basically, it’s a cost barrier to entering a market. For certain large corporations, it could be a license fee set up by the government, or buying an expensive piece of equipment, or the financial ability to stomach a predatory price war. For small businesses, it could be the little guy’s ability to pay a good lawyer, or the initial investment of the time and effort to set things up.

This entry deterrence is generally a one-time deal, with smooth sailing thereafter. But the deterrence is high enough to scare many dreamers away. That’s why the world is full of people who are all about the “coulda, woulda, shoulda.” They can dream, they can see the smooth sailing part of those who succeeded and say “I’ve coulda done that”, but it’s the entry deterrence that they’re either unable or unwilling to pay that stopped them.

I’m proposing here that entry deterrence, as long as it’s not overly harsh, is actually good in a dating market. Here’s why.

Example 1: On some dating sites, it takes five seconds to set up a profile. On other sites, you have to fill out a long questionnaire that asks you tons of details about yourself. It could take a person hours to answer everything, from your relationship with family members, to long term career aspirations.

Now, which site would a player go on, if all he wants to say is: “Lookin 2 play 2nite, r u interested?” And which site should someone who’s looking for a long term relationship go on? In this case, the long questionnaire serves as entry deterrence and helps to eliminate the non-serious applicants. In this age of twitter pickups in less than 140 characters, who would spend hours setting up a profile for quickies?

(continued in my next post...)

Entry Deterrence: Might It Be High for the Not-Meant-To-Be’s Part 1 of 3

As a teenage girl I’d read a lot of love stories about couples who ended up not being together because of some form of freak miscommunication. Like, they promised to meet up at Times Square but a car accident made him late, and they missed each other by a hair (he ran there in rags and on crutches as fast as he could). Or, his letter to her got lost during the war and she thought he’d dumped her and so she married someone else. Or, he was really into her but too shy to speak up, and his best friend got there first...

I know, I know, running to Times Square in rags and on crutches, cliché much? Hey, I was a dramatic teenager entitled to a healthy dose of angst. What, you think past generations of teenagers didn’t have angst before Bella? I was going through a tragic romance phase, I think.

When I was reading those stories, I always felt so bad for the main protagonists. But now that I’m older, I’m not as sympathetic to them as I once was. If he won’t get over his nervousness and go ask the girl to dance, he shouldn’t go blame anyone else if she gets spoken for. If a guy promises you the moon then misses one date, shouldn’t you at least give him a call to check if he’s dead in a ditch somewhere before writing him off? If it’s war time and he knows that the postal service is not exactly reliable (you know, air raids and all), shouldn’t he write another letter if he got no response? Shouldn’t she?

Real-life relationships take patience, work, persistence, nurturing, and a go-getter attitude

(that applies to everything in life, really). Even if by some luck the fictional couples get married, their flaws would’ve crept up later on in life anyways. For example:

-A person who gives up too easily might do the same when it comes to setting boundaries for their children, or fighting to keep their house from foreclosure.

-A person who’s poor with communication might also neglect to tell you about his prescription drugs addiction / credit card debt / expired car insurance.

-A person who misplaces his trust in the postal service might also be hiring the wrong plumber, or worse, the wrong financial adviser.

-And if he’s too nervous to talk to the girl in question, he might also be too scared to make a career leap, or say no to his mother.

(continued in my next post...)

Qualities of Useful Financial Information: How it translates to STD Testing

Now let’s see how the many qualities of useful financial information: relevant, complete, neutral, timely, etc. could be applied to the push for STD testing. Ah, STDs, the hazard of any modern (not-so) fairytale. It’s one of those things that people worry about but find it hard to voice their concern to their partners. It’s the source of many creative evasive manoeuvres and anger induced by defensiveness.

Relevant: So you insisted on him producing some paperwork before you would sleep with him. That means something from the doctor, not his certificate for walking up the CN Tower in under fifteen minutes. That’s not giving you the relevant information you need. The guy could be physically fit but still carry something.

Complete: So, he got you the paperwork from the doctor. Looks like he’s clean for HIV, hepatitis B and chlamydia, but if the test result sheet on syphilis is mysteriously missing from the package, it’s not still good enough.

Neutral: “I don’t have anything. Don’t you trust me?” The good old guilt trip. If the guy just tells you that he’s clean but refuses to produce any paperwork, don’t believe him because he has something to gain by lying.

Timely: Nope, producing clean paperwork from a year ago just won’t cut it. For a player, a lot could happen in a month, let alone a year. Let your potential partner get tested today (which will provide you with a freeze frame of his HIV status three months ago), and wait until the window for infection is closed then get him tested again (for a freeze frame of today). Of course, technically the window means nothing if he keeps on having sex with other people while you guys wait. But then, why are you sleeping with someone you can’t trust anyways?

Free from Material Misstatement: Make sure the paperwork is from a real doctor, and it’s under his name. Not, you know, his roommate’s.

Use Plain Language: Actually, you can’t really expect that from a medical document. Just make sure you know how to read it correctly, or check with someone who does.

Qualities of Useful Financial Information: How it Translates to Dating Part 2 of 2

Continuing...

Timely: A friend of mine went out with this guy for a few months and things went really well. They decided in advance that they would sleep together on their third month anniversary. Everything went according to plan, then afterwards the guy went MIA. A week later she finally tracked him down and he said he had just gotten back with his ex-wife. “When the heck did that happen?” “Two weeks ago.” Apparently, the guy withheld that timely information so he could get the sex before he moved on. What a scumbag!

Free from Material Misstatement: In accounting, “material” means significant and note- worthy. Yes, there is a huge difference between a divorced guy (paper all signed off on the dotted line and official) and a married guy merely  contemplating about divorce. Though many misrepresent themselves as “single” on dating sites.

Use Plain Language: “Do you love me?” “Well, you see, we have this really deep metaphysical bond that goes beyond the written word and it transcends all known languages...” “Do. You. Love. Me?” “Well, you see, love is such a complicated word that requires many levels of conscious understanding of the human mind...” In another word, no he doesn’t.

The other thing accountants like? Information that is backed up by evidence and in a traceable form. In other words, if he “proposes” but can’t bring himself to give you a ring, that’s not a real proposal. 

Qualities of Useful Financial Information: How it Translates to Dating Part 1 of 2

In accounting, financial information is considered the most useful when it is relevant, complete, neutral, timely, and free from material misstatement. Also, it should be understandable and use plain language.

Let see how these concepts could be applied to the kind of information being shared in dating:

Relevant: You met a guy and hit it off right away. You talk on the phone all the time and exchange 120 tweets. But if in all that communication, he happens to neglect to tell you that he’s married, there’s a slight problem there.

Complete: He told you about his dog. He told you about his ex. He told you about his mother. But if he forgot to tell you that his ex is still babysitting his dog and his mother still considers his ex to be “the one,” then you’re not getting the whole picture.

Neutral: This happened to me when I was a lot younger and more naive. A boy pretended to be my friend and was giving me all sorts of advice about whom to date, what kind of attributes he should have, etc. Eventually, I caught on that his underlying conclusion is that nobody was worthy except him. If a guy has something to gain, then the information he presents to you will hardly be neutral and free of bias.

(continued in my next post...)

Good Business Practice: Do Not Do To Your Dates What You Won’t Do To Your Business Associates Part 3 of 3

Continuing with my list...

1.    If the applicant is not selected for the job, the interviewer will tell them straight up, and with nice manner. A sample rejection letter goes like this: “Thank you for the opportunity to meet with you. While we were impressed with your qualifications, we sincerely regret that we won’t be moving forward with you in the interview process. We wish you all the best in your job search.”

Or, for the interviewee to turn down a job offer: “Thank you very much for offering me the position. However, I must regrettably decline. I appreciate you taking the time to interview me.”

In other words, a polite reply was expected. A “yes” is a “yes” and a “no” is a “no.” And when asked, they might even provide honest feedback.

In the dating market, some people like to drag it out and give mixed messages. “Are you still interested?” “Sure I am. I had a great time.” “You want to go out again?” “Er, I’m a little busy right now. Maybe after my course is over, in like, six months?” If you’re not interested anymore, just say it.

Here are some of the “Don’ts” in breakups, from the lyrics of “Tell Me on a Sunday”:

Don't write a letter when you want to leave.
Don't call me at 3 a.m. from a friend's apartment.
Don't leave in silence with no words at all.
Don't get drunk and slam the door.
Don't run off in the pouring rain.
Don't call me as they call your plane.

2.   If the applicant is not selected for the job, the interviewer won’t just fall off the face of the earth. If you’re no longer interested in your date, do the courtesy of returning his/her phone calls and tell them openly as a business would to their supplier. Refusing to respond one way or the other is just rude. Don’t leave your date wondering if you’re just not interested anymore, or dead in a ditch somewhere. And don’t leave her hanging and wasting her time and energy so she wishes that you’re dead in a ditch somewhere.

If you’re not interested in someone, don’t tell them at the end of the date that you want to see them again, and that you’ll call, and then don’t call. Just keep your mouth shut and they’ll get the message. Saying things like that might make you feel better, but it’s a disservice to your date.

I know. I know why people do it. It’s to keep their options open. But people should not be replaceable and more importantly, should not be made to feel that way.

3.   The response time for a business email/call is 48 hours, even if the answer is no. Not 48 days, not 48 weeks, and definitely not never.

In the dating world, some people assume that not returning the call now means that you’re leaving the door open for later. But just like you cannot disappear for months then ask for a job, why would you assume it would work for your date?

A friend of mine got a text from a guy she dated eight months earlier. At three AM in the morning. She hadn’t heard from him since that date. The guy was drunk. He asked if he could “come over.” Yeah right! Just as in business you can’t show up out of nowhere and expect to be given the customer loyalty discount, why would you expect booty calls?

Don’t let your date feel like he/she is just the last resort. Don’t make anyone a last resort.

4.   Honor and respect a contract. That includes the marriage contract.

5.   As a professional, I was taught to be very careful about everything that got written down, and the words of a professional are not spoken lightly. Yet in love, hurtful words are being thrown around carelessly.

The world would be much nicer and more civilized if people would do in dating what they do naturally in business.

Let’s be fair and play fair here.