Clustering: When Men Hunt in Packs at Single’s Events

As a bachelorette, I used to attend single’s events. Boy was I glad I went with friends, because in that kind of mingling there are a lot of men who hunt in packs, and it’s best for girls to travel in numbers too. Let me explain.

Often, it is beneficial for shops that sell similar products to locate right next to each other. In economics it’s called Clustering. Think about your local butchers or a street full of furniture shops. This is good for both customers and shop keepers. Shop keepers can band together to show off a wide array of their products. Customers can do one-stop shopping, and that in turns help attracts more businesses to the area.

At single’s events, males like to approach women in groups. That way, they can support each other, be bolder, and get the conversation going. Problem is, sometimes that can put a lone woman at quite a disadvantage. Especially if the males are drunk, and the mob mentality kicks in. Most girls go to these events to attract dates, not leering offers for gang bangs.

That’s why women form groups as well. A group of girls meeting a group of guys makes it a level playing field. To make it work, it’s best if you determine some code words with your friends beforehand. Like, “Let’s go to the washroom” means “Let’s get the hell out of here”, “I love this song” means “This guy I’m talking to seems alright,” “The music is too loud” means “I’m off for a chat with him, but don’t leave without me!”

If the men play fair, they introduce themselves and let the conversation flow organically. If certain boys and girls want to pair up, that’s up to them. If not, the groups go their separate ways.

But of course, not every group plays fair. Sometimes, a few men are assigned the job of distracting the more cautious and protective girls, so the others can move in. That way, it increases the chance that some of them might get lucky. It’s the good old trick of divide and conquer. So girls, stick with your group unless you’re absolutely comfortable going solo. When in doubt, remember:  hoes over bros!

Project Horizon #2: “I Don’t Care if Those Boobs are Fake, as Long as They’re Huge!”

This is actually from a conservation I had with a male friend one summer at university. We were sitting at a cafe patio, people watching, when we saw a woman with out-of-proportion breasts walking down the street in very skimpy cloths.

“There’s no way those are real.” I said.

My friend, ever the player, said: “Who cares? As long as they’re big!”

His thinking is not uncommon, not just from a man casually observing a woman on the street, but also from some men toward their women. It could be explained by Project Horizon. As discussed in the last post, Project Horizon is an analysis of a project based on its duration, by mapping out the timeline of its costs and benefits.

Take a look at the side-effects (costs) of cosmetic surgery: silicone granulomas, breast hardening, etc. Quite a lot of them won’t show up until much later. Yet the pretty boobies (benefits) are here to be seen and enjoyed right now. If a man doesn’t plan to stick around, who cares if she’ll be in constant pain thirty years later? If he has no plan to have children with her, he could care less if one day her implants leak and breast-feeding becomes an issue.

That’s why these men don’t care if the breasts aren’t real, as long as they’re nice and big right now. That’s the difference between looking at someone with a long-term versus a short-term horizon.

So girls, if your man tells you he thinks you’ll look really hot with a new pair of porn-star boobies, beware!

Project Horizon #1: Is He Treating You Like a Short-Term Project?

At one point or another, we’ve all seen it: a woman wasting her energy on a man whom she obvious has no future with. She’s in med school and he can’t keep a good steady job. He’s at the “off” swing of an on-again-off-again cycle with his wife and she happens to be around. It’s very frustrating to watch, especially if you care about the said woman.

Let’s look at an economic concept called Project Horizon. It’s an analysis of a project based on its duration, by mapping out the timeline of its expenses verses revenues.

There are many types of ventures: long-term, short-term, and anything in between. In order to survive, a company needs to know exactly what type it’s dealing with. E.g. Say they take on a project that requires a lot of money in the first five years, but after that it’s a sweet cash cow. They better make sure they’ve got enough cash to cover those first years, otherwise they might not be around long enough to enjoy the fruits of their labour.

Unfortunately, some women aren’t very honest with themselves when it comes to the Project Horizon of their men. They refuse to ask themselves: Do I really see a future with this guy? Is he treating me like a short-term project? Is he being nice to obtain a long-term mate, or just to get laid?

There’s nothing wrong with short-term projects, in fact it works really well for certain types of people. It is only wrong when a fling is disguised as a long-term prospect, and being invested in as such. Remember: The treatment of a long-term project is completely different from that of a short-term one.

The lucky thing is, you could tell a lot about a man’s intention through his behaviour. Stay tuned for my next post: Project Horizon #2: “I Don’t Care if Those Boobs are Fake, as Long as They’re Huge!”

Diminishing Rate of Return: When You’re Dating Too Often

So in my last post I talked about the economy of scale (the more you do the more cost-effective it gets). Now I’m going to talk about the opposite: The Diminishing Rate of Return.

Singles should date often-but not too often. Once I went on three dates in a single day: lunch, drinks, and dinner. Never again! By the end of the night I totally lost track of what’s-their-faces. Which one likes French cuisine again? Which one has a dog again? Which one went to U of T again? I ended up putting all their names and details on little sheets of paper and tried to match them up like fridge magnets!

In economics, this is called The Diminishing Rate of Return. That means there comes a point when the more you do, the less benefit you’re getting out of that last extra bit of effort. Think vacuuming up after your pet. The first time you run the vacuum over the carpet, it picks up tons of fur. Then it picks up less and less on subsequent rounds, until it’s virtually impossible to get that last little bit of fur out.

Dating is the same. It’s great to meet people, but it’s no fun if you can’t even remember which one you want to go out with again. Dating too much makes you tired and jaded (after a while all the boys kinda blend together). That’s when you might miss the good ones. You need to know when the scale tips for you, and learn to pace yourself.  Note that the tipping point is different for everyone, e.g. a player would hardly care about the details about a girl, he just wants to know enough to get into her pants.

As for me, I gave up figuring out the fridge magnets. Just for fun I lined up all the details I liked, formed the perfect man, and sighed. I’m quite sure (I think) they didn’t all belong to the same boy though.

Economy of Scale: Watch How the Players Do It

In manufacturing, there’s usually a huge amount of upfront investment. But once you’ve spent on that big heavy equipment, you might as well produce a high volume because the more you make, the cheaper on average each product gets. This is called The Economy of Scale.

In the world of players (men and women), this theory translates into:

1. Mix one “make-out” CD and play it for all the girls who come over.
2. Wear the same little black dress to a series of dates with different men.
3. Wear the same piece of sexy lingerie to a series of dates with different men (I kid you not, I once knew a girl who did that. WITHOUT PUTTING IT THROUGH THE LAUNDRY BETWEEN DATES. Eww gross!!!)

So if your date gives you a feeling that you’re not that special, then trust your gut. You might be onto something there. He probably didn’t get that yellow Porsche just to attract one girl.

And don’t get discouraged; this theory also shows the benefit of long-term relationships. As a single, I hated cooking because it took time, I kept eating the same leftovers again and again, and the other half of the celery bunch would get rotten before I get to use it. In a marriage, cooking for two means that you get to take turns, the leftovers are gone twice as fast, and the high turnover keeps the ingredients fresh. Also, less spoilage means saving money! The Economy of Scale is the reason why statistically two people spend less as a couple as they do as singles.

How’s that for a ringing endorsement for marriage?

Substance over Form: Cut Through the Guy’s BS

With a bit of critical thinking, one can weed out a lot of guys online before things even progress to the first date. Here’s an example of what one guy wrote to me:

“I notice that on your profile you selected 'No Cheaters'. But you know sometimes it’s really hard to say if a cheater is necessarily bad. I’ve got a friend who was like the biggest cheater, but now he’s the most devoted husband and father. So you never know. But of course, you’re right. I’m against cheating too. I agree with you 100%. Well, hope to hear from you!”

Hmmm, should I listen to his verbal support of my view, or his not-so-subtle approval of his friend’s behaviour? Which one do you think reflects his true beliefs? I never emailed him back. I’d read enough.

In accounting, seeing beyond the numbers and getting to the actual picture is called Substance over Form. It means, in a not so polite way, cut the BS and show me what you’ve got.  Management could pat your back and say there’s not a worry in the world, but if you see them dumping useful assets and not spending a dime on anything long-term, you know something’s up.

So always try to see beyond what a guy tells you. “Let’s take a break” is never a just a break, “let’s just hang out” might not be as innocent as it sounds, and if he keeps texting you to show his interest, but never comes around to invite you to an actual date? Forget it.

Opportunity Cost: The True Cost of Staying When You’re Really Not That Into Him

Happy Valentine’s Day! To all the single ladies out there: don’t feel down, you’re actually further ahead than you think!  Here’s how it works on the other side:

In a relationship, there might come a time when you realize that you’re just not that into him. He could be a perfectly nice boy, but things are just not working. What to do then? We’ve all been there: too much doubt to stay, too afraid to leave. What if this is as good as it’s ever going to get? At least I have somebody now, and that’s better than nobody, right? Hey, it’s not like I’m doing much this Saturday night anyways, what’s the harm?

The harm lies in the loss of opportunity to doing something else, the potential for something better. In economics it’s called the Opportunity Cost. If a company chooses Project A over Project B, it’s taking into consideration not only the cost of funding Project A, but also the lost profits from not funding Project B. Opportunity cost is as real as cold hard cash spending, though it’s often tougher to measure.

Maybe if you stay in Saturday night, you’ll finally get around to setting up a proper online dating profile, and that would lead to a flood of dates next week. Maybe if you go to Aunt Sally’s birthday party, you’ll get to meet her neighbour’s cute nephew.

The point is, you never know. And that chance of missing out on something great is the real cost of staying with someone you’re really not that into. Sometimes it’s easy to discount opportunity cost, because you won’t know what you’re really missing if you’ve never had it. It’s an important cost to consider, nevertheless. Until you let go of the old, new opportunities might never present themselves. Sometimes, you have to be very single to become very un-single.

So bravo, single ladies!

Cash-Based Accounting: Show Me the Money-NOW!

In accounting, there are two ways to record numbers: Accrual-Based or Cash-Based. Accrual-based is considered the more sophisticated of the two (think New York Stock Exchange versus ma-and-pa businesses). Sounds fancy, but it just means that you don’t consider yourself incurring an expense at the time you pull out your wallet, but when you actually benefit from the purchase.

It makes total sense in accounting. The problem is many women also use it in their love lives.

Society teaches women to be patient and long-suffering. Okay, so he asked you to pay for his drinks on date two, but if you wait long enough, he might treat you to lobsters on date five! So he’s in school right now and needs you to help with the tuition fee, but that boy is going to be a lawyer one day and really take care of you!

So women continue to dump their time, energy, and money into unworthy guys, thinking there’s going to be a pay-off later. She’s not really wasting her effort - she’s accruing it for future benefit! Needless to say, this kind of accrual often leads to heartbreaks. The lobsters never came. The boy moved on to a newer model right after he passed the bar exam. The girls are left feeling used and old.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t stand by your man, but you should ask yourself if he’ll do the same for you.

This willingness to give first without getting anything back must be a young women thing. With experience, older gals are smarter at this game. We recognize follies easier and walk away faster. Without the fear of looking unsophisticated, we scream: “Show me the money-now!” If you’re gonna treat me right, then do it NOW.

Signalling #2: Why Dressing Well is not Shallow at all

There’s a certain stigma surrounding women who take good care of their appearance. Shallow, they’re called. But the truth is, the right amount of vanity is healthy and it sends a strong Signal to the dating market.

How is it done? Let’s look at how it works in the stock market. See, CEOs can talk their company up all they want, but talk is cheap. Nothing shows confidence like good solid spending on Research and Development. Think about it: if management doesn’t believe their company could last, why would they dump money into something that won’t pay off until years later?

Seeing the R&D spending, the stock market would take it as a signal that the company is here to stay, and would treat it accordingly. The same goes when the world sees a woman. Now, I’m not talking about being a fashionista here. I’m talking about not letting yourself go. And that means dressing appropriately, keeping a neat appearance, and cleaning those nails once the polish starts to chip off.

When a woman takes care of herself, she’s telling the world: “Hey, I’m here. I’m in the game. And I demand to be treated with respect.” Okay so maybe the dating game sucks right now, but that makes it even more important to inspire confidence and convey your positive outlook. Showing others that you believe in yourself - and your ultimate happiness - is sexy and attractive.

So if there’s broccoli in your teeth, your clothing was last in style when the elder Bush was in power, and you let your eyebrows grow like an out-of-control ragweed garden, then don’t cry and wonder why you’ve got no dates. You’re sending out a powerful message every day and it’s a negative one. Stop complaining that it’s a cruel, cruel, superficial world out there. And get off that moral high horse saying people should love you for who you are inside. Be honest and admit that you judge others by their appearance too. And to a healthy degree, that ain’t such a bad thing.

Write Off: Get Those Losers Off Your Books!

So it’s the beginning of February. What’s every accountant with a December 31^st corporate year end doing right now? Preparing for the auditor’s visit! It’s time to take stock and clean up the books. It’s amazing how things change in a year. That new photocopier everyone was so excited about? Already proven a failure and collecting dust in a corner. Can’t say it’s still worth $8,000 now, can you?

In that case, an accountant has to decide whether or not to Write Off that asset. If you write it off, sure the income statement would look bad, but at least it’s only a one-time hit. If you say it’s worth $8,000 when it isn’t, then the fake value would stay on your balance sheet year after year. Might as well bite the bullet, and open the books in the new fiscal year with a clean slate.

How I wish more women would do just that for their love lives.

Let’s face it, women tend to be hoarders when it comes to potential partners. How often do we fall into that trap of “let’s be friends” while secretly waiting for the guy to come around? Hey, he might have a little drinking problem right now, but those AA meetings could really work out. He’s fearful of commitment now, but that might change after he hits 35, right?

The reality is, a lost cause is a lost cause, and a useless photocopier is still a useless photocopier. Having three semi-okay guys on your books does not add up to one Mr. Right:

Tom (30%) + Dick (30%) + Harry (30%) ≠ Mr. Right (90%)

So ladies, be brave and write off those losers. Facing the real picture is half the battle in turning a profit in the game of love.

Set-up Cost: Why Dinner Dates Are On the Endangered Species List

My friend was complaining to me: guys don’t want to take girls out for dinner on their first date anymore. They all say “let’s go out for drinks.” Is chivalry dead? What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned sit-down meal?

They don’t want to incur too high of a Set-Up Cost, that’s what.

In economics, set-up cost is the cost it takes to start up a venture. To get everything up and running, you need to spend a whole bunch of money up front. It’s like building a good makeup case: in the beginning you spend a lot on brushes, sponges, classic shades of eye shadows and lipsticks, etc. After that you just mix and match and buy a more exotic colour every now and then.

In the world of dating, the set-up cost of wooing/getting laid is higher for guys than for girls, since it’s still more common for them to pay for the expenses. I generally don’t feel too bad about it, since girls have periods, labour pain, and those darn calories going straight to our thighs like a magnet. Cursed female biology. So no, I don’t feel too bad about it. I used to be an overly-nice feminist. Not anymore.

So what’s a guy to do, especially if he dates a lot? He tries to find a way to protect his wallet. The cost of drinks is a fraction of that of a dinner, and he might even be able to schedule in a few in the course of one evening.

So what’s a girl to do? 1. For the first date, accept the drink offer. While he’s lowering his set-up cost financially, you’re lowering yours too - by saving time. Just in case he’s a total bore, a drink date is ideal for a fast but civilized escape (“Oh look at the time, the Seinfeld rerun is coming up. Bye!”) 2. Don’t sleep with him. If a guy could get you into bed without dinner he’ll never take you out. 3. For the second date, make him invest a little. If he’s eager to see you he wouldn’t mind taking you out to dinner.

Signalling #1: Why Treating a girl to a Meal at MacDonald’s Won’t Make Her Happy

Once a co-worker of mine went out on a date with a new guy, and he took her to McDonald’s for a Dollar Menu. McDonald’s! Dollar Menu! On their first date! Did I mention McDonald’s? When she looked doubtful (what girl wouldn’t?), he started quoting all the specials from Monday to Sunday, as if he’s letting her in on the greatest money-saving secret. My co-worker, a shoeaholic, ran as fast as her Jimmy Choos would allow her to.

But seriously, it has nothing to do with materialism. See, in economics there’s a communication technique called Signalling. The idea is that you could tell a lot about a company by its actions, without a word ever being said. Companies send signals to the market through their own behaviours (investing in R&D, firing their management, etc.), and the market will react accordingly (favourably or otherwise).

When a guy takes a girl out for an ultra cheap meal, what he’s really telling her is that he’s not that interested in investing in her, or impressing her. If he can’t be bothered to at least pretend to value her in the beginning, what do you think will happen three months down the road? There’s being financially responsible, and there’s being cheap. Also, if he’s this cheap with money, he could be stingy on the emotional level too.

No guys are going to tell you these things straight up (they might not even admit it to themselves), so it’s up to the girls to be observant and figure it out themselves. If the guy spends the whole date bitching about his ex-wife, it might be a signal that he’s too bitter to start a new relationship. If he’s still living at home, it might be a signal that he doesn’t want to grow up, and would expect you to take care of him like his mama. Run!

Welcome to My Blog!

Hi everyone, welcome to my blog! The Economics of Love (EOL) has been a dream a decade in the making. I’m very excited about sharing it with you at last.

The EOL is a hilarious way to look at love and relationships through the eye of an accountant. I’m not here to give an economic lecture (plenty of textbooks out there for that), but to laugh and cry with you about the pitfalls of dating. Having been there myself not so long ago, I know how tough it is out there. And no, I don’t think of myself as some sort of all-knowing love guru. Hell no. I’m just a girl who’s made and seen plenty of mistakes, and knows exactly what not to do.

So why be logical about a subject that’s notorious for its lack of logic? Here’s the big secret: We’re already doing the math in our heart. We just don’t admit it to ourselves, that’s all. Deep down, we all know it when we’re being fooled, when we fool others, and especially when we fool ourselves. I believe in the value of self-awareness. And what better way to achieve it than through laughter?

In a world where campaign promises are broken before the lawn signs are even recycled, I’m going to risk jinxing myself by making you a promise of my own: I’m going to post on this blog on a regular basis – every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  So check back often, I have tons to share! And if you have any comments, or if you have a particular situation you want some EOL insight on, I’d love to hear from you. I’ll try to respond as much as time restraints would allow.

I hope you enjoy reading the blog. Thank you for welcoming EOL onto your screen.