Set-up Cost: Why Dinner Dates Are On the Endangered Species List

My friend was complaining to me: guys don’t want to take girls out for dinner on their first date anymore. They all say “let’s go out for drinks.” Is chivalry dead? What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned sit-down meal?

They don’t want to incur too high of a Set-Up Cost, that’s what.

In economics, set-up cost is the cost it takes to start up a venture. To get everything up and running, you need to spend a whole bunch of money up front. It’s like building a good makeup case: in the beginning you spend a lot on brushes, sponges, classic shades of eye shadows and lipsticks, etc. After that you just mix and match and buy a more exotic colour every now and then.

In the world of dating, the set-up cost of wooing/getting laid is higher for guys than for girls, since it’s still more common for them to pay for the expenses. I generally don’t feel too bad about it, since girls have periods, labour pain, and those darn calories going straight to our thighs like a magnet. Cursed female biology. So no, I don’t feel too bad about it. I used to be an overly-nice feminist. Not anymore.

So what’s a guy to do, especially if he dates a lot? He tries to find a way to protect his wallet. The cost of drinks is a fraction of that of a dinner, and he might even be able to schedule in a few in the course of one evening.

So what’s a girl to do? 1. For the first date, accept the drink offer. While he’s lowering his set-up cost financially, you’re lowering yours too - by saving time. Just in case he’s a total bore, a drink date is ideal for a fast but civilized escape (“Oh look at the time, the Seinfeld rerun is coming up. Bye!”) 2. Don’t sleep with him. If a guy could get you into bed without dinner he’ll never take you out. 3. For the second date, make him invest a little. If he’s eager to see you he wouldn’t mind taking you out to dinner.