Self-Selection: The Player Herds on Dating Sites Part 1

To girls who’ve never tried online dating before, the first time joining a site can be quite an overwhelming experience. All of a sudden, men of all types and sizes are available for viewing, chatting, and emailing. With all the attention and choices, one might even think it’d be no time at all before cupid’s arrow does its job.

Er, not exactly.

The truth is, many sites have herds of men who are eager to flirt the moment a girl signs on, but they’re more like the “regulars” in any good old-fashioned bar than anything else. As flattering as their attention is, they’re just chasing after the freshest blood they can find. They’re not the type you’ll find lasting true love with.

To understand the player herds, you first have to understand the mechanics of a dating site.

Dating sites are in such an ironic business. The product they’re selling is “the means to find someone special and live happily-ever-after.” Yet the better they are at their job, the smaller their existing customer base gets (hence all the new ads and competition to get “replacement daters”).

Now let’s look at the members of a dating site. At any given point in time, there are men out there who want to have a healthy relationship with women, and there are also men out there who just want to play. The same goes for women. Given time, men and women who have the same goal of long-term commitment will get matched up and leave the site together.

(continued in my next post...)