Self-Selection: The Player Herds on Dating Sites Part 4

So now that you know how dating sites work, here’s how to find love on them.

The lesson here is not to avoid dating sites, but to look at the profiles critically and ask the right questions. Here are a few tips:

One: The most important thing is to watch out for the date of activation for these guys’ profiles. If a guy is genuinely looking for a permanent, there’s a low chance that he’s still “looking for the right girl” after six years.

Two: If the guy has had the profile for six years, but claimed that he was actually in a relationship for two years in between, then ask yourself this: why the heck did he not close out the profile during that time? Of course, when things first get serious, people like to make their profile inactive, but not close it entirely. That way, if things don’t work out, they don’t have to create a new profile all over again. But if a guy still has his profile unclosed during a two-year relationship then he was just keeping his options open. How serious of an effort could he have made for that relationship?

Three: Watch out for profiles that are TOO new, because some people are profile whores. They create five different personas and spam every girl in sight, or they “rebrand” themselves constantly (changing the info on their age/occupation/weight) in hopes of getting more hits. I once had a man who emailed me under two different profiles. One said “age 45, admin support, a few extra pounds*,” the other said “age 35, sales manager, physically fit” with a photo of his younger (and non-bald) self. I love it when Madonna and Lady Gaga reinvent themselves, but not a potential mate.

So all in all, when you get hunted by the herd, just remember to take it as a compliment, but not to take it seriously. The real gems are just a few clicks away!

*In the world of dating sites, “a few extra pounds” is the code for “severely overweight.”