Signalling #3: If He Keeps Stomping on Your Feet During Salsa Dancing

(For more information on Signalling, please see my previous links on the subject matter.)

Once I went to a salsa club and a guy my friend knew asked me to dance with him. Turns out he was the worst type of dancer: someone who has no idea how horrible he was. See, in any kind of social dance, salsa or otherwise, the men generally do the leading. I know, I know, it’s not very feminist but more and more women are learning how to lead. In a dance, the leader (whichever gender that might be) gives non-verbal instructions to the follower, to indicate the direction and the footwork they’re going to do.

The guy I was dancing with couldn’t lead. Instead, he manhandled me (pushing me in the direction he wanted), and shouted instructions into my ears (quite loudly since he wanted to be heard over the music). “Turn LEFT!”, “Turn RIGHT!”, “Do a spin, I’m telling ya!” Luckily the song ended soon enough and I managed to elude him the rest of the night.

The next day, my friend called me up and say the guy was wondering if I would like to go on a date with him. I said no way! Because 1. The man had to resort to yelling at me to give me instructions. The inability to signal is itself signalling very bad communication skills. 2. To not have enough self-awareness about how bad he is, is another bad sign.

The dance skill of some guys in a salsa club is quite questionable. That’s because they want the best of both worlds: be in an environment where they could hook up with pretty girls, yet not having to actually learn how to dance. Um, guys, sorry to break this to you, but a girl can always tell if you’ve never danced before. It just sends a bad signal if you come across as the type who won’t even invest in a few lessons. Most clubs offer cheap group lessons before the dancing starts, so no excuses!