Salvage Value #2: If He Asks You to Go to A Swinger’s Club with Him, Part 2

So in my last post I talked about the dilemma my friend faced when her ex asked her to go to a swinger’s club with him. Without further ado let me start the analysis.

The thing with The Lifestyle, is that as free-loving and unselfish as it appears, it does pose a serious risk to a couple’s relationship. There are people out there who genuinely, mutually enjoy it, and who stay together for the long-term, visit after visit. But others give it a try, and discover that jealousy is purely human nature. Humans might be genetically programmed to compete (hence the excitement), but not necessary programmed to share. Couples could find themselves unable to get past the encounter, and their relationship in ruins as a result.

Risky stuff, if you care about someone.

Due to its potential to destroy/alter a relationship, many people might be curious about swinger’s clubs, but never act on it with their partner. But if a couple has broken up already, there’s an incentive to try it out because there’s no future anyways and there’s nothing to lose. In my friend’s case, her ex already went through the cost of wooing her and getting her into bed.  So if he could get some salvage value out of the ruined relationship, and gets a few life-long fantasies fulfilled, that’s more gain for him.

So if an ex wants to take you to such a place, that’s not a sign that he wants you back. Quite to the contrary, it’s a sign that in his mind, it’s really over. And if a current boyfriend suggests that, he probably doesn’t really care about your future together. Or he’s reckless about the potential risk. Sobering thoughts.

Of course, if you’re actually into that kind of stuff, that’s totally different. If you enjoy it, go do it (who am I to judge?), as long as you’re clear that it’s not a step toward reconciliation, nor a tool to stay together.