Historical Trend Analysis #2: If His Wives Keep Dying, It Might be A Good Idea Not To Marry Him

With TV shows like The Tudors, there has been a renewal in interest in Henry VIII. Though much fascination is centered around his ill-fated wives, the story I love is about the little chickie who got away.

After going through his first three wives in quick succession (abandonment, beheading, etc.), Henry VIII asked for the hand of Christina of Denmark in marriage. Kinda ballsy really, considering Christina was the grand-niece of his first wife and knew his ill-treatment of her well. According to legend, when she turned him down her reply was "If I had two heads, one should be at the King of England's disposal." In today’s language: “As if, buddy!”

 

Hey, legend or not, I love that line! That girl really dodged a bullet there. Henry VIII went on to mistreat three more wives (abandonment, beheading, etc.). Seeing the Historical Trend of what came before, Christina knew what her fate would be like being tied to a man like that, and chose wisely. In doing so, she was smarter than even a lot of women in modern days.

 

Some women consciously refuse to learn from history, even when it is glaringly obvious. They delude themselves into thinking that they are the exception. So what if he cheated on his last four girlfriends? She’s so special that he won’t do that to her. Ummm, honey, not really.

While I’m on a TV rant, I have to say: I hate Mr. Big from Sex and the City. The guy was an asshole through the seasons, jerking Carrie around whenever he felt like it. Then they brought him back for the series finale, and he repented just in time for a nice happy ending. That ending was unrealistic. With a relationship that unsustainable, it’s no wonder why he got cold feet in the movie. THAT is the true face of Big. Emotionally unavailable men will always remain so.

Historical Trend Analysis #1: The Man who Dumped His Newborn’s Mama and Is on The Hunt Again

I once chatted with a guy from an online dating site. Initially the conversation went well. He seemed pretty intelligent, and knew tons of stuff about organic food (I was going through a phase). Then just as I was considering a first date with him, he casually mentioned that he has a six-month-old baby.

Whoa, whoa, say that again?

I asked him for more details. He said he’d split from his ex shortly after the baby’s birth because “things just aren’t the same anymore.” Well duh, she just gave birth. Being a new mother means a lot of changes physically and psychologically. Of course she won’t be the same as before. If he got her pregnant, the least he could do is have the guts to stick around long enough to see things through.

Giving up right away is not acceptable. More effort should be made, for the poor kid’s sake if nothing else. Instead of helping his ex out with diapers and feeding, he chose to run off and check out new girls online.

I told the guy I wasn’t interested. If he could do that to another woman, he could do the same thing to me one day. I was looking for a keeper, not a hit-and-run. In Accounting, there’s a technique called Historical Trend Analysis, which uses historical data to predict future behaviours. The idea is simple: look into the past to see the future.

So next time when you talk to a man, pay attention to his past. If he complains about past girlfriends who all wrongfully accused him of cheating, those might not be false accusations at all. If his dating profile shows he’s been around for eight years and he still hasn’t found “the right girl”, you gotta ask, is the problem with them, or with him?

Clustering: When Men Hunt in Packs at Single’s Events

As a bachelorette, I used to attend single’s events. Boy was I glad I went with friends, because in that kind of mingling there are a lot of men who hunt in packs, and it’s best for girls to travel in numbers too. Let me explain.

Often, it is beneficial for shops that sell similar products to locate right next to each other. In economics it’s called Clustering. Think about your local butchers or a street full of furniture shops. This is good for both customers and shop keepers. Shop keepers can band together to show off a wide array of their products. Customers can do one-stop shopping, and that in turns help attracts more businesses to the area.

At single’s events, males like to approach women in groups. That way, they can support each other, be bolder, and get the conversation going. Problem is, sometimes that can put a lone woman at quite a disadvantage. Especially if the males are drunk, and the mob mentality kicks in. Most girls go to these events to attract dates, not leering offers for gang bangs.

That’s why women form groups as well. A group of girls meeting a group of guys makes it a level playing field. To make it work, it’s best if you determine some code words with your friends beforehand. Like, “Let’s go to the washroom” means “Let’s get the hell out of here”, “I love this song” means “This guy I’m talking to seems alright,” “The music is too loud” means “I’m off for a chat with him, but don’t leave without me!”

If the men play fair, they introduce themselves and let the conversation flow organically. If certain boys and girls want to pair up, that’s up to them. If not, the groups go their separate ways.

But of course, not every group plays fair. Sometimes, a few men are assigned the job of distracting the more cautious and protective girls, so the others can move in. That way, it increases the chance that some of them might get lucky. It’s the good old trick of divide and conquer. So girls, stick with your group unless you’re absolutely comfortable going solo. When in doubt, remember:  hoes over bros!

Project Horizon #2: “I Don’t Care if Those Boobs are Fake, as Long as They’re Huge!”

This is actually from a conservation I had with a male friend one summer at university. We were sitting at a cafe patio, people watching, when we saw a woman with out-of-proportion breasts walking down the street in very skimpy cloths.

“There’s no way those are real.” I said.

My friend, ever the player, said: “Who cares? As long as they’re big!”

His thinking is not uncommon, not just from a man casually observing a woman on the street, but also from some men toward their women. It could be explained by Project Horizon. As discussed in the last post, Project Horizon is an analysis of a project based on its duration, by mapping out the timeline of its costs and benefits.

Take a look at the side-effects (costs) of cosmetic surgery: silicone granulomas, breast hardening, etc. Quite a lot of them won’t show up until much later. Yet the pretty boobies (benefits) are here to be seen and enjoyed right now. If a man doesn’t plan to stick around, who cares if she’ll be in constant pain thirty years later? If he has no plan to have children with her, he could care less if one day her implants leak and breast-feeding becomes an issue.

That’s why these men don’t care if the breasts aren’t real, as long as they’re nice and big right now. That’s the difference between looking at someone with a long-term versus a short-term horizon.

So girls, if your man tells you he thinks you’ll look really hot with a new pair of porn-star boobies, beware!

Project Horizon #1: Is He Treating You Like a Short-Term Project?

At one point or another, we’ve all seen it: a woman wasting her energy on a man whom she obvious has no future with. She’s in med school and he can’t keep a good steady job. He’s at the “off” swing of an on-again-off-again cycle with his wife and she happens to be around. It’s very frustrating to watch, especially if you care about the said woman.

Let’s look at an economic concept called Project Horizon. It’s an analysis of a project based on its duration, by mapping out the timeline of its expenses verses revenues.

There are many types of ventures: long-term, short-term, and anything in between. In order to survive, a company needs to know exactly what type it’s dealing with. E.g. Say they take on a project that requires a lot of money in the first five years, but after that it’s a sweet cash cow. They better make sure they’ve got enough cash to cover those first years, otherwise they might not be around long enough to enjoy the fruits of their labour.

Unfortunately, some women aren’t very honest with themselves when it comes to the Project Horizon of their men. They refuse to ask themselves: Do I really see a future with this guy? Is he treating me like a short-term project? Is he being nice to obtain a long-term mate, or just to get laid?

There’s nothing wrong with short-term projects, in fact it works really well for certain types of people. It is only wrong when a fling is disguised as a long-term prospect, and being invested in as such. Remember: The treatment of a long-term project is completely different from that of a short-term one.

The lucky thing is, you could tell a lot about a man’s intention through his behaviour. Stay tuned for my next post: Project Horizon #2: “I Don’t Care if Those Boobs are Fake, as Long as They’re Huge!”

Diminishing Rate of Return: When You’re Dating Too Often

So in my last post I talked about the economy of scale (the more you do the more cost-effective it gets). Now I’m going to talk about the opposite: The Diminishing Rate of Return.

Singles should date often-but not too often. Once I went on three dates in a single day: lunch, drinks, and dinner. Never again! By the end of the night I totally lost track of what’s-their-faces. Which one likes French cuisine again? Which one has a dog again? Which one went to U of T again? I ended up putting all their names and details on little sheets of paper and tried to match them up like fridge magnets!

In economics, this is called The Diminishing Rate of Return. That means there comes a point when the more you do, the less benefit you’re getting out of that last extra bit of effort. Think vacuuming up after your pet. The first time you run the vacuum over the carpet, it picks up tons of fur. Then it picks up less and less on subsequent rounds, until it’s virtually impossible to get that last little bit of fur out.

Dating is the same. It’s great to meet people, but it’s no fun if you can’t even remember which one you want to go out with again. Dating too much makes you tired and jaded (after a while all the boys kinda blend together). That’s when you might miss the good ones. You need to know when the scale tips for you, and learn to pace yourself.  Note that the tipping point is different for everyone, e.g. a player would hardly care about the details about a girl, he just wants to know enough to get into her pants.

As for me, I gave up figuring out the fridge magnets. Just for fun I lined up all the details I liked, formed the perfect man, and sighed. I’m quite sure (I think) they didn’t all belong to the same boy though.

Economy of Scale: Watch How the Players Do It

In manufacturing, there’s usually a huge amount of upfront investment. But once you’ve spent on that big heavy equipment, you might as well produce a high volume because the more you make, the cheaper on average each product gets. This is called The Economy of Scale.

In the world of players (men and women), this theory translates into:

1. Mix one “make-out” CD and play it for all the girls who come over.
2. Wear the same little black dress to a series of dates with different men.
3. Wear the same piece of sexy lingerie to a series of dates with different men (I kid you not, I once knew a girl who did that. WITHOUT PUTTING IT THROUGH THE LAUNDRY BETWEEN DATES. Eww gross!!!)

So if your date gives you a feeling that you’re not that special, then trust your gut. You might be onto something there. He probably didn’t get that yellow Porsche just to attract one girl.

And don’t get discouraged; this theory also shows the benefit of long-term relationships. As a single, I hated cooking because it took time, I kept eating the same leftovers again and again, and the other half of the celery bunch would get rotten before I get to use it. In a marriage, cooking for two means that you get to take turns, the leftovers are gone twice as fast, and the high turnover keeps the ingredients fresh. Also, less spoilage means saving money! The Economy of Scale is the reason why statistically two people spend less as a couple as they do as singles.

How’s that for a ringing endorsement for marriage?