In the last post I talked about the cost of disclosure when it comes to STDs.
On top of the heavy price, it is possible to get away with not telling, especially if your partner is the promiscuous type. He might have no idea who he got it from anyways. And who’s to say he wasn’t the one who passed it on to you in the first place? Remember that episode in Sex and the City, when Miranda was diagnosed with chlamydia? She did the right thing and informed all her old sex partners, only to have one guy say to her, “Yeah. Yeah. I know. I was the one who gave it to you!”
And what if he got it from someone else, but because you’re the only one who admits your condition to him, you get blamed for everything? In a population where everyone is in denial and nobody gets themselves tested (that’s how diseases are spread), the honest ones who outted themselves could get blamed for quite a lot.
Let’s look at a scenario where both partners are carrying something the other party knows nothing about (see table below). Notice that in three of the cases (both confess, one confesses while the other doesn’t, vice versa), no intercourse would happen (one or both parties will run away as fast as their legs could carry them).
However, in the fourth case, where both partners refuse to tell the other that they’re infected, intercourse will take place, as well as cross-infection. Awww, it’s like a little Secret Santa of Horror: he got her herpes and she got his chlamydia. Not exactly the stuff of fairy tales, or even a guilty pleasure of a B-rated romantic comedy.
Notice that the table below does not have the arrows like the one for the cop-suspect scenario. That’s because the arrow represents a shift in action for each players to gain more. E.g. From getting a heavy sentence by being loyal to getting a medium sentence through betrayal. But in the case of STDs as it’s set up right now, there’s no gain from telling, hence there are no arrows to push the players anywhere. The players start at the upper left corner, and stay there.
| Sex Partner #2 avoids talking about his/her STD | Sex Partner # 2 confesses about his/her STD | |
| Sex Partner #1 avoids talking about his/her STD |  Intercourse, Cross-Infection | No intercourse, No Cross-Infection. |
| Sex Partner # 1 confesses about his/her STD | No intercourse, No Cross-Infection. | No intercourse, No Cross Infection. |
(continued in my next post...)
Posts
4 comments:
Ouch!
I'm not sure "no intercourse" is a given. There are ways of having sexual intercourse that have little to no chance of transmission. Manual stimulation or oral stimulation with a dental dam are two options. Sure, if it's the first date, then that chart is most likely accurate. However, if the relationship has been building for a while, and both partners are truly emotionally invested in the relationship, then it's not necessarily as bleak as that chart makes it seem.
And, if both partners are infected, then each is that much more likely to understand when the other comes forward, increasing the chance that they have safe intercourse that day, and "guilt-free" intercourse at that.
Hi Chris, sorry about the late reply. Just got a new MacBook and had some transition issues.
I agree. With the respect and understanding that comes with a relationship, the partners would be willing to work with what they’ve got and make the best of the situation because they care about each other.
I was actually having more of the causal encounters in mind when I put the chart together. If partners are just interchangeable, then why work within the limitation when a player could simply pick someone else to chase after?
If both partners are infected, then “no intercourse no cross infection” would be the initial reaction, with safe sex up for further negotiation, depend on how much/well they know / trust each other, the exact nature of the infection, more communication, etc. I didn’t want to put all that down on the chart because I want to keep it simple, but yeah there are many aspects to the game – which is what makes it interesting!
Post a Comment
Thanks for posting!