Market Collapse #1: She’s Got A Lot Going for Her, Why Can’t She Find Love?

We’ve all seen it: single girls who can’t seem to catch a break in love. You know, the beautiful, successful type who own their own condos and treat their pets like princesses.

I once knew a girl who was a professional, in her early 30’s and good looking. We ended up chatting about men. She wanted a professional guy (so far so good), but he HAD to be very young-looking, drop-dead gorgeous, rope-muscled, and super wealthy. And no, she was not willing to settle for anything less.

Whoa, whoa, where do you find a guy like that?

In economics, there’s a phenomenon called market collapse. That happens when the desires of two bargaining parties are so vastly different that no deal can be made. So both sides walk away without reaching any agreement. The market is said to have “collapsed.”

Many women buy into the idea of the “perfect guy.” In the case of the girl in question, granted she had a lot going for her, but there’s a difference between “good-looking” and “drop-dead gorgeous.” The requirements she set up were just too unrealistic. The type of man she described is hard to come by. And even if he does, a young-looking, drop-dead gorgeous, rope-muscled, and super wealthy guy like him could do much better than her.

The girl could easily increase her options if she’s willing to change “drop-dead gorgeous” to “cute looking,” “rope-muscled” to “fit,” and “super wealthy” to “financially stable.” But she was too boxed in by her own standards and unwilling to compromise. Thus, the market collapsed on her.

Niche Market: Player Wannabes – The Ultimate Eyesores Part 3

As I’ve been saying all along, we’re all self-aware when we’re being played, so in a way it is a choice. Part of the reason players are able to exist is because in a certain, twisted way, there’s a demand out there for them. And with the heavy price of a broken heart, the payee demands to be well compensated in the other departments.

When a person chooses to be a playee, they prefer to be played by someone who looks hot, lies well, and is willing to piss money away. On top of that, there’s a certain cruelty in a player and their emotional roller-coaster ride that some playees are addicted to. Decent guys simply cannot duplicate that. Nor should they try.

To win in the dating game, a decent guy has to play to his own strength and find his own niche market. You do not have to have mass market appeal, but you need to understand who you are.

There’s nothing in the world that is as much an eyesore as a decent guy getting cocky with a pick up advice book, choking on cheesy lines, then expecting that he’d get the same treatment as a real player*. Sex god he is not. Talk about the opposite of a niche market!

So what’s good guy to do in the dating market? Counter-offer! First, identify and play up your own strengths. Second, believe in those strengths yourself. Third, target the type of girls who’ll appreciate you.

*Sadly, I also know the case of a man who was with his high school sweet heart for years, then tried to break up with her and reinstate himself as her “lover.” All the fun and none of the responsibilities. He really, really needed a hard look at the mirror.

Niche Market: Player Wannabes – The Ultimate Eyesores Part 2

(continuing with the poor player wannabes...)

So as suggested in the previous post, there are rules of engagement to obey even in an abusive situation. It is the player’s job to offer excitement, mystery, unpredictability, the devil-may-care attitude, and flattery. Essentially, a high to escape reality. Players are generally nice eye candy: they groom themselves excessively (worse than my cat), and work hard at the gym to appease their vanity. They might also dig into their credit cards for fancy dinners in their quests to get laid.

All these superficial things can be potent to a woman – in the short term at least. Of course, by the same token, the players aren’t offering much else.

Now let’s look at what a decent guy offers: sincerity, honesty, reliability, stability, etc. All these are wonderful qualities to have in a long term partner.

So you can see what a disaster it would be if a decent-guy-turned-player-wannabe tries to be someone he’s not. He’s giving up the very things that make him special, while sucking at the things that disgust him deep down. He cannot compete using slippery charms because he lacks the skills, his body is not sculpted with unrelenting ego because he’s got better things to do, and he won’t throw good money away because he’s financially responsible. 

(stay tuned for Part 3 next post, where I conclude with the best ways for a decent guy to win...)

Niche Market: Player Wannabes – The Ultimate Eyesores Part 1

There are guys who are players, and then there are guys who want to be players.

As you know, I don’t have the highest opinion of players. But the wannabes? They’re even worse! A player wannabe is a generally decent guy who got sick and tired of being nice, but has no idea how to be bad. So he overcompensates by being the absolutely worst asshole possible.

Mind you, I understand where they’re coming from. It’s hard to be decent all your life and watch the girls of your dreams fall for the bad guys, over and over again. At one point, a desperate nice guy might just decide that being not nice is the only way to get the girl.

But they’re really going about this completely the wrong way.

You see, even between the players and the playees, on a certain level there’s still a bit of a fair trade going on. One charms and the other wants to be charmed. The playees might have some daddy issues they are looking for someone to play out with. Some need to go through that phase in order to grow up. It’s like that song “Sweet Dreams”:

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

(stay tuned for Part 2 next post, where I talk more about this “fair-trade”...)

Mixed Bag: You Give Love a Bad Name – the Conniving Females Edition Part 3

(continuing the saga of jerky women...)

Historical Trend Analysis

Some girls are very careful in wiping their history clean, or in rewriting it into “her-story.” I once overheard a girl telling another girl how it took her a huge amount of time to trust again after a broken relationship, when in fact she was the one who cheated. So if your girl’s past seems a bit too squeaky clean to be true, it probably is.

Substance over Form

Application #1: When good old-fashioned girls try to be bad, they try to work around their ethnics. This is the “oops I didn’t mean to get drunk/take off my top/have sex with you” routine. She did all the manoeuvring, then she blames you for being the bad boy and seducing her. Who’s truly in control here?

Application #2: A woman breaks up with a man, but still tries to exert control over his current relationship, and considers him hers to play. “Oops is it really 10:30pm already, I shouldn’t have called him so late.” “Hey I’ve got him this new gift – is that overpriced and inappropriate? We’re just friends...” Yeah right.

Tragedy of the Commons

“Hey if I don’t suck that boy dry*, someone else will!”

See, as women who are not out to jerk men around, we don’t like these types because they made us all look bad. It embitters the good guys, and takes away resources (time, effort, dinners) that would otherwise be allocated to deserving parties. Sadly, just like criminals, those who are the best at being the worst are the ones who never get caught. What’s a nice girl to do? The way I see it, just creating awareness is already doing a lot of good. Boys, seeing yourself in any of these patterns?

*Of money. Get your mind out of the gutter! ;)

Mixed Bag: You Give Love a Bad Name – the Conniving Females Edition Part 2

(continuing the saga of women who make us all look bad...) 

Opportunity Cost

Some girls in committed relationships eliminate their opportunity cost – by not losing any opportunities! While they’re with someone, they’re constantly scanning the field, putting feelers out, going on dates, even sleeping around.

Accrual-Based Accounting

Tell the nice boys she’d rather “save it” for marriage (perfect excuse to string them along without sex), then giving it all away with the bad boys. This method of deferred gratification works especially well with boys of heavy religious background. If you put a woman on a pedestal, she might just stay there and play with the other statues.

Economy of Scales

The intimate adventures of a little black dress as its owner rub up against different men. Guys: check for sweat stains – cavemen used their noses to stiff out promiscuity, and you might still have those senses in sleeper mode. That’s why men sometimes “just got a feeling she’s cheating” – their subconscious was picking up signs their civilized self couldn’t.

Signalling

Girls could create the illusion of having many options, thus encouraging the guys to compete and outbid each other. That’s why some men find out their dream girl is not so dreamy after he takes her home.

(Stay tune for Part 3)

Mixed Bag: You Give Love a Bad Name – the Conniving Females Edition Part 1

I’ve been writing the Economics of Love from a female’s perspective simply because, well, I’m a female and it’s convenient to stick with one viewpoint. But the truth is, women are just as capable of pulling shit as men are, and sometimes worse. In the spirit of fairness, let’s look at some of the things conniving women do to hapless guys, as sorted by the mixed bag of principles already discussed on this blog:

Portfolio Diversification

Application #1: Some girls keep a group of honest, shy yet financially capable guys in their portfolio. That way, she could get them to buy her clothes, jewelry and spa packages. She gets all dolled up using their resources, then goes out and has fun with the bad guys. It’s called “Play with the Large Pxxxxxx, Marry the Chequing Account.”

Application #2: Marry the Chequing Account, Continues to Play with the Large Pxxxxxx.

Write Off 

What happens to the nice, debt-paying boys after she spits them out.

Set-Up Cost 

Application #1: Boy meets girl online from out of town. Boy wants to meet girl. Girl refuses to travel. So boy flies down to see her weekend after weekend, trying to catch her in between her hectic schedule. She doesn’t have a lot of time for him, and doesn’t care, because she’s not the one paying the set-up cost (airfare, personal time, etc.). He is.

Application #2: Asking the boy to help her out with rent. On the first date.

(Stay tuned for Part 2)